Bitcoin Hits $100,000, Record Highs Stocks, Syria Falls

Bitcoin smashed $100K, U.S. markets hit highs, and AI hype fueled optimism. But Syria’s chaos, slowing global growth, and oil worries keep tensions high. Gold’s having its best year since 1979, and Tesla’s pay drama could shake markets.

This Week in Markets: Bitcoin, Trump, and Syria—Oh My!

U.S. Markets: Boom! All-time highs for U.S. indexes, thanks to a little Trump bump and tech bros hyping AI as the savior of the future. Even the “Communist Republic of Canada” managed a tiny gain of 0.16%, which is adorable. But hey, not all sunshine—Dow sat this one out.
Global Markets: Europe’s playing musical chairs with positivity, Latin America’s mixed like a mojito, and Asia had a nice boost thanks to Taiwan’s TAIEX jumping over 4%.
Bitcoin: 🚀 Bitcoin hit $100K for the first time ever, and I’m just sitting here wondering if I should’ve bought more at $10K. With Trump cozying up to crypto and rumors of U.S. reserves in Bitcoin, it’s a wild ride. Remember, folks: the man literally announced a crypto czar. What a timeline.

Commodities & Energy

Oil: Both U.S. and Brent crude slid over 1%. Seems like no one wants oil these days unless you’re frying chicken.
Gold & Silver: Gold’s on track for its best year since 1979, but took a slight dip this week. Silver gained over 1%, because apparently someone’s still hoarding grandma’s old candlesticks.

Economic News

South Korea: Inflation climbed to 1.5% amid martial law drama. The won (their currency, not Charlie Sheen) got hammered.
India: Stuck between inflation and sluggish growth. But hey, they’ve already surpassed the UK, so at least there’s that.
China: Manufacturing bounced back, which means the factories are humming again. Just don’t ask about consumer spending—it’s probably still “meh.”
U.S.: Job openings blew past expectations, giving the Fed an excuse to keep rates high. That’s bad news for your credit card, but hey, who’s counting (except everyone with debt)?

Politics & Geopolitics

Trump: After suggesting Canada should just become the 51st state (😂), Trump attended global summits while floating ideas that are equal parts bold and bonkers.
Syria: Officially fell into chaos (again). Assad's gone, Israel’s bombing everything in sight, and the Christian minority is bracing for the worst. Prepping for another migration wave? You bet.
North Carolina: Biden’s handing $1B to Angola, but apparently forgot about flood-ravaged North Carolina. Priorities, am I right?

Corporate Shenanigans

Tesla: Slid 1.59% after Musk’s $56B pay package hit a legal roadblock. The man works for a dollar, folks, and now even that’s under review.
Microsoft: Accused of squeezing the competition in the UK. Add that to the lawsuit pile.
Stellantis: CEO jumped ship, shares tanked 6%. Honestly, who’s buying Jeeps in this economy?

Hot Take: Inflation Math is a Joke

U.S. retail sales rose 3.4% on Black Friday, but if inflation is 4%, are we really celebrating? People are spending more, but getting less—yay? Inflation-adjusted, it’s like treading water while your wallet drowns.

Final Thoughts

The world’s a circus, and the markets are the main act. Bitcoin’s flying, oil’s sliding, and gold’s winking at us from 1979. Meanwhile, geopolitics are messy as ever, with Syria imploding and North Carolina wondering if anyone cares. Oh, and if you’re still not prepping, let me be the one to say: the Preppers were right.